Did you hit your head? Because you just woke up in the early 00s, baby! So get out your Good Charlotte CD and put your hair in a butterfly clip, because you’re about to flip open Prank-O Teen Magazine to take a quiz to find out which classic prank gift box you are:
1. What is your biggest fear?
A. A tree seeing me naked.
B. An upside-down toilet.
C. My pets surprising me with an intervention.
D. Running low on googly eyes.
E. Going into labor while parasailing.
2. Choose your dream vacation:
A. A tour of Glacier National Park led by an elk.
B. A museum of smells. Each room a different smell.
C. A cat café inside another slightly larger cat café.
D. Lounging on a floatie in a pool of glue.
E. Disney World.
3. If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
A. Speaking fluent squirrel.
B. Heat-seeking flatulence.
C. Stacking hamsters on top of one another.
D. Time travel via scrapbooking.
E. The ability to silence crying babies at restaurants.
4. You’re going to a party. What do you bring?
A. Wildberries that I swear are safe to consume.
B. A 24-pack of toilet paper.
C. A stray dog I found on the way over.
D. Origami.
E. It’s your son. I’m sorry I never told you about him before. But he’s here now and he looks just like you.
5. “One word to describe me is ___.”
A. “Amphibious.”
B. “Pfffrrrrrttttt.”
C. “Microchipped.”
D. “Sticky.”
E. “Unswaddled.”
6. What motto do you live by?
A. If you see a bear, DON’T RUN. Running can trigger a bear's natural chase instinct. Stay calm and hold your ground, avoiding all sudden movements. If it attacks, lie flat on your stomach with your hands on the back of your head and your legs spread out. Keeping a deterrent like bear spray handy can also help as a last-ditch defense.
B. I wouldn’t go in there if I were you.
C. If you can’t eat it out of a bowl, you shouldn’t eat it.
D. You gotta make your own luck. And soap, you gotta make your own soap.
E. The PTA meeting has been moved to Thursday.
7. Your friends know they can come to you for…
A. Identifying bird noises.
B. Over-the-counter medication for G.I. upset.
C. Veterinary advice you got from Reddit.
D. Scissors.
E. A snot-covered tablet playing ‘Daniel Tiger’ at full volume.
8. Last but not least, choose your ideal roommate:
A. A woodpecker with good credit.
B. The CEO of Kohler.
C. Professional ferret wrangler.
D. A paper-mâché doll I made that’s come to life.
E. The boss baby from the movie ‘Boss Baby.’
Now tally up your answers to find out which box you are!
Mostly A's: Squirrel Hot Tub
You're an outdoorsy type who feels most at home in the great outdoors, even though Mother Nature has filed a restraining order against you. You'd rather be inexplicably damp in the woods than make eye contact with a Rite Aid cashier.
Mostly B's: RotoWipe
Well, you're definitely the most gaseous of your friends and family, and you’re not afraid to show it. You plan your day around bathroom breaks and believe the "pull my finger” gag is a sacred, time-honored tradition.
Mostly C's: Cat Hat
Your heart belongs to animals, specifically your animals. Whether it's cats, dogs, hamsters, or the pigeon you keep feeding against your neighbor’s wishes, you're a regular at the local pet rescue.
Mostly D's: Earwax Candle Kit
You're crafty AF. You spend more on pipe cleaners and assorted cardstock than you do on groceries. When others see an empty yogurt container, they see trash, but you see potential.
Mostly E's: Crib Dribbler
We’re just gonna come right out and say it: you're baby crazy. Whether you're a parent or just a PTA member in spirit, you’ve got wipes and snacks FOR DAYS.